And now, the post you've all been waiting for--in its pure and unadulterated form--the book that started it all, as a special Christmas gift to Monica...

Monica's Book of Idiocy

I just had a little bit out of the dropper.

When they get what they want, then they dump it.

The sun? The sun. The sun is very...hot.

Hmmm. Birds are funny. It was, like, hopping.

Hmmm. That was laughable. That's why I'm laughing.

Sheet manure...like to put in your bed so it fertilizes it.

Stop writing down everything I say.

The twirling Iced Capp is good enough for me.

Diana: That's odd.
    Monica: What, Mr. Tyson? Because I thought I saw his little Jimmy.

In. Yes. In. Yes.

Oh, that? The big thing? That's odd.

I bet she uses the microwave. That's probably why it's here.

Monica: Did you know that almonds are very good for you?
    Diana: Yes.
    Monica: That's probably why you're eating them.

I wasn't hungry before you, like, gave me a chill pill.

I am such an idiot. It makes me laugh. *laughs*

You're smaller than a weed.

Let's talk about Golgi apparatuses!

Monica: Think of your gay friends!
    Diana: *covers her eyes* Phagocytosis...

How do you specialize in glucose?

*in English accent* What's this? What have I got in my pocket?

I am overcome by mirth. *laughs*

This book smells funny. Kinda like...new book!

I'm sorry, O Great One. Whatever can I do to make it up to you? I gravel at your feet.

That's a LOT of intestines...

Pastor Dave: What is church for?
    Monica: It's like...a party. But...with God!

I love filled donuts, but they make my face dirty.

I just got that...like a while ago.

I really want to go to France. There is, like, nothing I wouldn't give, except any of my body parts.

I don't wanna play with a box. What can you do with a box?

Do you want me to stop banging? I don't wanna stop banging!

We can get high off of air...or tea...or whatever it is.

Monica: Is it about lesbians?
    Sarah: Yes.
    Monica: Oh! Do tell!

Maybe I'm not a guy!

Is that a real mermaid?

I dunno. I guess she's worthy of living.

Oh the pig that is me!

Go straight through that wall.

He looks good with a bit of roughage.

If I were Dumbledore, I'd reward you.

Ivy silently creeps...until people...hack at it...with a hoe.

Where did Josh's legs go?

It's like when people don't have fingers and think they do.

*holds up a large piece of white bulletin board paper, then wraps it around her waist* I could make a sash out of this, or a cumberbun.

But I don't wanna bang on a drum.

That's a three-hour salad.