Nothing is ever wrong.
- Mr. Bayer

Jonathan: It's James Bond. There're no emotions and no whatever that second word was...
A Table Full of People, emphatically: Morals!

Don't sell your soul unless there's fun involved.
- Hillary

Do not assume that you can just take this and fiddle it around and get that.
- Hing, on finding the inverse of a matrix

I thought the aggressive posture of your teeth meant "rock"!
- Mike

Julie: What's the difference between air and water?

Paul: How'd you like to breathe water?

Diana: So that was the pilot.

Julie: So there are how many more episodes? One, two, three, four, five, six...

Diana: Mother, they're numbered.

Look! She's a stamen!
- Julie

I am not a man.
- Mike

Her head is porous.
- Greg

I don't wanna date you if you aren't a book website.
- Diana

I don't like interruptions in my bread.
- Mike

Oh how I wish I were knowledgeable enough to expand the wiffleball stub!
- Diana

I'm missing chunks of my spectrum.
- Daniel

They're owls! It's not like they maliciously sit in trees!
- Mike

I'm not cut out to be a person.
- Mike

Diana: I'm totally losing my mind.

Greg: That was a long time ago. You're more friendly now.

Things just keep disappearing into the abyss of my pants!
- Mike

Just because you make my cheek tingle when you kiss it doesn't mean I won't break your elbow.
- Mike

Yes, my father was Oregon. And my mother was California. You'll notice he's on top.
- Kelly

I'm gonna get me a Bucket o' Man!
- Kelly

Please don't scream so loudly when I embrace you.
- Mike

Stop aiming your Death Star at me.
- Mike

You're an electronic weasel.
- Kelly

Certain fruits should be emphasized.
- Kelly

Are they powered by post-colonial angst?
- Kelly

Are you done? ...because you put your cookie in your salad.
- Mike

Please don't stop coming home because we're trying to kill you.
- Julie

You, my dear, are on some form of narcotic, I think.
- Monica

Thank you for not shaking your hair.
- Felisa

Diana: So what would everyone do [in heaven]?

Kelly: Research.

...remind me to tell you about the time I got propositioned by an Iraqi cabinet minister at work.
- April

I'm a very nice girl, I'll have you know. You know, I think I need to tell everyone that. It might not be immediately obvious.
- Monica

Diana: "Ain't no woman like my woman, so there ain't no other man I'd rather be."

Monica: Quite frankly, I can't wrap my mind around that statement.

I love it when you smell like a burning log!
- Paul