I think, in marriage, we have to--if the other one will let us--help each other when we've got blood dripping out of our mouth.
- Paul

I wish I had the money to transplant a monkey's head on a wildebeast.
- Craig

Perhaps I should stop banging you over the head with a mallet while you sleep. Now, quote me, or I kill a bunny.
- Craig

I wish my clothes smelled longer.
- Mercy

I'm actually glad I'm not the straightest of guys.
- Ryan

I wish everyone could yodel. It's a great way to start your day!
- Taylor Ware, an 11-year-old yodeller

I drink pimp juice every day.
- Valerie

I always wished I could poop out of my foot.
- Ryan

Diana: Why can't I have him?
Felisa: 'Cause kittens aren't blueberries.

When you talk, I can't listen.
- Monica

Monica: You're going to remember more about my past than I'm going to.
Felisa: Yeah but I can't remember my own, which is why I started taking pictures.

Today when it was raining on me, it made me feel slightly wet.
- Paul

He's naked as a jaybird, sittin' in a chair. It's not pleasant, but then again it is.
- Felisa

Yeah... I've been to those party-cities. They're okay.
- Gordon